A letter to Yuu
by tails the cute fox
Summary: Years ago, back when the world was still dark and bleak and there was nothing to live for, Akane taught him a coping mechanism that was lost when his Guardian Angel came and lit up the world. Years later, the world is darker and bleaker than ever before and his Angel is not there. Pen and ink form once more in a familiar coping mechanism that starts as "Dear Yuu..." MIKAYUU MIKAYUU


**I am in LOVE with this pairing….I'm sorry (Tooootally not sorry)  
Seriously, since reading volume one I am 100% In love with Mikayuu….Mika….Why do you have to suffer so much Unfortunately, I'm only on chapter 23 because the volumes take so long to release so no spoilers please! (Do you like my Punny title?)  
Len: *Tries to find manga spoilers*  
Ttcf: GET AWAY FROM THAT THIS ISN'T EVEN THE CORRECT FANDOM!  
Len: Eep! **

**On with the ficcy!**

 _ **A letter to Yuu**_

The door shuddered as it was thrown back with super-human force. The small room shook and groaned, white material flying off the door in a flurry of clothes. It blanketed the floor, a deep contrast to the blood-red of the carpet. The mattress of the double bed, one of the few pieces of furniture in the tiny room, dipped and moaned out its protest. Huffs that were muffled by slim pale hands echoed and resonated off the walls. The blond curls peeked through slender fingers, messed and dirty. The digits grappled at the tresses with every labored huff of his chest. Tears saturated the sleeves as they continued their downward journey.

Slowly, puffy blue eyes peered up from the owner's cupped hands and the silent sniffles came to a gradual hault. His breathed in and out, loudly, nosily. The watery irises fell upon the black quill sat upon the wooden desk, paper situated by the side. The desk contained stack upon sack of endless reports, each organised and straightened out on the desk in orderly rows. A memory stirred in the chaotic mind of a time long ago. Back when the world seemed and dark and as bleak and as terrifying as it did during this time. Before the light touched the oh-so dismal world.

It was of Akane, with her smile and her optimism. Despite being years younger, she showed more wisdom than Mika could ever hope to achieve. Like him, she had suffered – and Suffered cruelly at that. Yet she could smile at her elder with the promise of the future being hopeful. With the hope that maybe they all had some chance. He missed that. The happiness she gave them. She was their mother despite her younger age, and he the father.  
It was around the time he was sent to live with the Orphanage, his old name now forever cast aside with all the fear and all the pain. The pain that never left him, not truly, it stayed dormant – hidden and lashed out at the worst times. Those times all of his family kept away, ushered from the scene by their 'Mother'. The pain would roar, the pain would swirl. Long red scratches round their way onto his face, blue eyes lined with thick red. Horrible screams would claw their way out of his throat, scaring the younger inhabitants below. When the yells and pleas of "Please mummy, daddy stop!" ended, the other children would bring small gifts – Chocolates that they bought with all their combined change, home-made toys, anything to make their 'Father' feel better. He would accept them with shaking limbs and red fingernails, a tiny small parting bloody lips. Hugs would be exchanged and false smiles that hurt his face were used to make the younger children feel better. Then Akane would send them away, mug of watery hot chocolate in one hand and a small tube of sweets in the other as she would plop down next to him. They would spend hours talking, smiles growing strength until eventually they were no longer fake.  
A pen had been thrust into his hand after one of those bleak and dismal days. A piece of paper placed before shocked eyes and a wide smile on the 'mother's' face.  
"When I was a child" She had stated, eyes melancholic with the days that had once been. "I used to write my feelings down on a piece of paper. Like a letter, especially if it was about someone. It really helped. Gets it off your chest when you need to talk." That days words flowed like water from the blue ball point. The words became blurry purple, pink and yellow as they were made alive on paper. The days that followed on became the same, until the light began to breach his soul.

That light was a was prominent in the misty haze of tainted memories. A nest of black hair, piercing emeralds set in healthy face. Seemingly harsh words tinted with the undertones of concern. Arms that held. Warmth that penetrated the soul. This was what he associated with those darker days. The light that brought him back from the shadows. The light that saved his broken world. The light soothed broken ripples on the cracked heart, wiped the tears permanently from red rimmed eyes. It allowed him to smile fully once, allowed the beating organ in his chest to feel true friendship once more. It allowed it to feel true pure love.

A choked laugh struggled past upturned lips, a fondness warming the slowly beating heart in his chest. The declarations of war, the games, the tag. The smiles, the hope. He missed it. Longed for it. Craved it but he had destroyed it. Destroyed it in a sea of red. He did not deserve to love again. Not after what he had done.  
His legs were lead as he moved sluggishly towards the desk, red rimmed orbs focus on the feather in the ink. He snorted. He had not longed to let the words flow since the day before he met _him_. Yet here he was again. The feather was heavy in his grip, the words reluctant to come. A shaky breath made itself know as the liquid formed words on a pure, clean sheet.

 _Dear Yuu,_

 _How long has it been since I have spoken to you? Properly – not briefly like that horrendous meeting on the battlefield. Four years, perhaps? It seems longer to me. Every day feels like a year when you're not here to cheer me up. What would you say, if you could see me now? Would you hate me? Despise me for what I have done? Done to you – done to your friends? Done to our family? I wouldn't blame you if you did. I am a monster after all. Who could forgive a monster?  
I would love to say I am sorry for stabbing that man – Guren, was it? But I am not. I never will be. I almost regret not finishing him now that I know who he is. Almost. It would upset you, if he died, wouldn't it? I could never hurt you, Yuu. Never. _

_Yet I do. I always end up hurting you. Making you cry. I'm not strong enough to protect you, Yuichiro. I can't save you like I promise myself that I will. I hurt you as children, trying to protect you from Ferid and the other nobles. It made you sad- I know it did. I made you angry that night as well – the night I murdered them. I always seem to hurt you.  
I killed them all, Yuichiro. It was all my fault. I do not ask you to forgive me. Not ever. What I did to them – to you- is beyond forgiveness. They were our family. Akane, Taichi. I killed them all. I thought it was fool proof Yuu. I really did! I was so stupid, why did I think it would work? How did I not realise he would find us? Why did I have to be so foolish? Why? They could still be here if not for me. We could be eating Akane's curry, the younger children arguing over who gets the largest portion. But they're not. And they never will be.  
I only ever tried to help Yuu, honest. I tried my hardest so that we could live comfortably and that they would never be without. Stories, a family. I tried so hard and yet I still destroyed it all. _

_Would you kill me, if you knew what I had become? Some days – bleak, soul numbing days – I almost wish you would. I'm sorry Yuu but I can't let you quite yet. I need to try and protect you for a little bit longer. Just a little bit more. I need to make sure you are safe Yuu. When this war – this seemingly never ending war is over and you have slaughtered every one of the vampires off then I will gladly let you finish off the last of those monsters yourself. I know you would like that.  
I've killed people. I've slaughtered people on orders simply because keeping quiet meant it hurt less. I used to put up a fight, when I first became the scum I am now. I tried suicide too but then Krul told me what the humans were planning for you and I forced myself to stay alive. I had to for you. I'm sorry. Now I've become a monster. _

_Is it wrong if I say I love you, Yuichiro? That I always have? I'm not lying. You gave me back everything that I thought I had lost. I learnt to laugh again because of Yuu. I really did. You made me feel when I thought I was numb. I love you. I think of you every day. I wonder how you are doing, if you're okay. Is it wrong for me to wish desperately that you love me too? That maybe there is a possibility where, after the war, we can be as we once were. Cuddling close, laughs, teasing. Is it wrong of me to want for this? I think so. I've done too much wrong in my life to deserve you, Yuichiro. I dream about it though. It gives me strength. I dream of days were I can laugh freely with you without the fear of war or death. I wouldn't even mind if you wanted to hang out with your friends with me – at least I could observe them properly. Make sure they aren't hurting you. I dream of days curled up on plush Sofas, snacks laid out messily on a table as we watch the latest films to be released. I dream of that world we dreamt of together – flowers and fields and our family all together. I wish with all the soul I have left that these dreams could become reality but there are dreams that cannot be. I want so badly though._

 _It has been years since I used this method to cope – writing a letter I never intend to send. Akane taught me it – to help me cope with the past. It's almost sad really, isn't? You were the reason I stopped and now you are the reason I have begun. No, that's no fair really. It's my own fault.  
I love you, Yuichiro. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you. I really am. When we meet again I will not fail. I _will _save you. Even If it kills me in the process.  
With love,  
Mikaela Hyakuya. _

Shortly after the hands on the clock began to tick slowly forward, a short dark shadow appeared in the doorway. Her dress billowed out behind her, long pink tresses flowing freely. Lithe fingers wound their way into blonde locks , a fond smile cracking the doll-like face. Underneath the blonde's sleeping face that was splodged with ink, a note lay. It was smudged with the water of tears but legible. Heart wrenchingly legible. Carmine eyes flicked across to the the letter, then back to her self-proclaimed son. An ugly frown marred her pretty features and she gripped the letter tightly. Despite her small stature, she lifted the younger male with ease into the tidy bed in the corner, smoothing down the sticky bangs that covered his eyes. When she left the room, the letter was still clutched tightly between her fingers.

A few days later, across the country from where words had cried onto paper, a letter arrived in Shinjuku. It was addressed to Yuichiro Hyakuya of the Moon Demon Company. Puzzled, the recipient ran a finger underneath the sealed wax and began to read. The letter began,  
 _Dear Yuu…_

 **I am seriously in love with this pairing. This was actually inspired by the Scenes in Fairy Tail, where Lucy writes to her Mum about her life in Fairy Tail despite the fact she doesn't intend for them to be sent. I really wanted to contribute to this fandom and to my OTP – MikaYuu and so this was born. I really see Mika as the character that blames himself for everyone's mistakes. He can't see it as that he was young and had no idea that Ferid was waiting but forever blames himself for his family's death – more so than Yuichiro. He was forced to sacrifice his humanity for his beloved Yuu but cannot see any of the good he has done. He only see's the failures. I used to write really depressing one shots like this when I was younger but that was literally because I felt I wanted to torture Len/Ren Tao from Shaman King. I seriously believe that Mika's way of thinking is Canon in this story. This hasn't been Beta'd – Non- stop working makes Ttcf very sleepy.**

 **If I get enough Reviews, I may do a sequel in which Yuu replies to Mika's letter with one of his own but that's only if I know it is worth doing. Is it? Let me know in the reviews**

 **A Note about Bully: I do look at the traffic stats for my stories and what I am noticing is that People are reading Bully but not the rewritten version. I posted the rewritten because it is better than the origina- which is poorly written at best. I'm also seeing that people are only reading the first chapter of the rewritten. Is it seriously worth updating? No one is reading it, despite my best efforts and no one is reviewing. Chapter 3 is underway but It may take longer. If you want faster updates people seriously need to review. I don't know if there is any point, honestly. Your choice. Thank you.**


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